I've grown restless lately, which baffles me because I have found such immense joy in what I've been studying and through my course work that you would think that I would be at peace. But my humanity will always want more and it makes me laugh that a Korean drama television show is what has made me realize that my heart is unsettled.
It sounds crazy and I'm sure that if I were to bring up to any of my friends that some Korean television show has me thinking seriously about my life, they would worry I was lonely and seeking companionship.
But that's not what happened. After successfully falling into a binge-watching marathon of Coffee Prince, what I realized was that...I don't want to stay here in the States. In fact...there is a whole world out there that I want to see and explore and...teach. While, I'll admit that Coffee Prince satisfied the romantic in me, as most Korean Dramas set out to do, I found myself incredibly fascinated by the way the language worked to facilitate communication, what English words were used, and the cultural behaviors that were used to aid communication. I was...I was so interested in how culture dictated the characters lives that it nearly eclipsed the plot all together. I wanted to learn more and it made me realize that that is what I love the most: people watching, learning about culture...using those inferences and new things I've seen to help me teach.
There was a brief moment there where I got incredibly excited by the prospect of what my degree and my thesis could do for my career that I forgot what my original plan had not been centered on a career. My original plan didn't include being a professor in the States. It included me being a teacher. It included me...being a missionary. Going out. That's what I wanted and I lost sight of that for a while. But why? Because I got caught up in the smaller details and lost sight of the big picture.
I want to be a missionary. I want to teach English. And while I understand that you can be a missionary wherever you are and you should live life on a mission, I just...I can't shake this feeling that there is something greater at work. My heart yearns for something...more.
Now it's a matter of discerning of if that is my humanity or God's divinity that is crying out for me to follow it.
