It was hard and it was exhausting...but it's finally over and I feel like my body is finally catching up to where my mind has settled.
Today was my Thesis Defense. Now, for those of you who don't know what that is, my thesis is the final step between me and my degree. But before I can even write a thesis, I need to write up a thesis proposal, present it to the entire English department, and then they deliberate on whether or not the University approves and will support my research.
So, today was the day. After an entire semester of trying to keep up with classes while taking a crash course in TESOL education (which I had a cursory knowledge of prior to this semester) all for the sake of the passion I feel God has given to me for International students and their education, I stood in front of my department and laid my soul bare.
And I was afraid. I had lost confidence sometime between Friday and today to the point where I started having nightmares that the department would say I had chosen the wrong discipline to do this type of research. I imagined them telling me, I would have to reapply under Education and start all over...suffice to say I couldn't sleep.
To add to that, my flight to the Philippines was set for right after the defense, meaning that in the midst of edits I was trying to fit what seemed like an endless supply of chocolate into a suitcase and not go over 30lbs. And, after the defense, there was no hobknobbing o try and gauge how I had done. Nope. I booked it back home and then made my way to LAX.
So...in short, this has been one heck of a semester, which culminated in one heck of a weekend. And now, I sit in a bustling airport with outrageously priced water, waiting to board a plane to meet up with my family. This is when the vacation starts right?
Goodness, I hope so. Lol
But, now that I can look back at it...my defense, as nerve-wracking as it was, left me drained but satisfied. I have no idea what any of my professors thought, but I was encouraged by their support.
Last year, I sat in on one of the Thesis proposal sessions and I only knew about three professors out of the ten to twelve that are in our department. I was intimidated by their brilliance and yet this year, I was inspired by it and could partake in the knowledge and humor they had to share. More than that, I felt their support. They knew me and could therefore comment on my work with more than just courtesy and I could believe them when they told me that they were excited for my future and that they were interested in what I had to say.
A lot can change in just one year. I am reminded of that today just as I have been the last few years when God has just surprised me with His sovereignty.
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor
height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to
separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
