"I suppose we'll start at the beginning..."

Hello,

My name is Aarika and this is me.^u^

In a nutshell? I am...
a Christian,
a Filipino-American,
twenty-three (nearly twenty-four),
the eldest of three,
a first year grad student at CBU,
and....

also not the type of person to ever talk "in a nutshell" haha.

Honestly?

I'm a story-teller. I enjoy explaining and telling people stories that make them laugh, cry, and...sometimes look at me funny. I picture things in vivid color and hear the soundtrack of every day life.

I'm a writer, or at least I hope to be one day and, more than that, I hope to write about something important. Something worthwhile and meaningful and worthy.

I grew up in a religious Filipino household, not unlike other Filipino-Americans in my generation. But my home was not typical, by any means. For one, I was born into a Christian (Not Catholic) household, the granddaughter of two pastors and one of the many in a large crowd of church workers. And two, my father, though born in the Philippines, grew up as an American and now has no accent, very few memories of his life in the Province of Eastern Samar, and a completely Western mindset. Therefore my home was an incredibly unique mix of American logic and Filipino emotion and pride.

I like to think of it as getting the best of both worlds, while also getting an insight into the worst of both. It has allowed me to touch base with both cultures and kept me at arms length same time, which has had its benefits and its drawbacks. But, more importantly, it has led me to always come back to writing about that duality, the constant search for identity and self. I feel like this kind of complicated history is the growing plight of future generations and so I write very often of that.

The kind of loneliness that can often come from it as well as the fulfillment from finding bits and pieces of who you could have been or who you could possibly be.

I'm the eldest of three, with a younger brother and a younger sister, which means that I have been instilled with an intense sense of responsibility as well as the tendency to take on and dish out heavy guilt on a daily basis.

My siblings and I don't always get along, but we love each other. Sometimes it's hard to see and hard to say, but it's the truth. At the end of the world we will always choose each other. 

We will always protect each other. And no matter who enters our lives, at whatever point they enter, we will always love each other in a way that we will never love anyone else. Which is the way it should be, in my opinion.

Now, at twenty-three years old, I find that I am in that interesting phase of my life where I have lived and not lived at the same time. I am both incredibly young and not young anymore, which is part of the reason why I started this blog. I'm starting to realize the plight of the "twenty-something" and seeing how there is a necessity for a perspective shift on my part.

My father said to me, when I began my graduate program at Cal Baptist and was relaying to him how intimidating my classmates were, to, "start looking at yourself as one of them, you could be them in a year or so." And he was right, I needed to stop seeing myself as so young, stop talking about myself like I was so old and just be my age. Take the lessons God has taught me and be present enough to apply them.

One day, I want to be a teacher. My ultimate dream is to finish this program, get my degree and go abroad and teach. Go back to the Philippines...do work. God's work.

But I'll never get there if I don't start really being present for my life. At this stage I have a lot to combat with: the overwhelming sense of failure that so many my age deal with as well as the arrogance we "twenty-somethings" all share is a recipe for psychological, emotional, and spiritual chaos. But there is only so much I can actually worry about and the stuff that I can't? Well, didn't I say my God is limitless?

He is. He is limitless, therefore I have to stop undercutting Him with my self-doubt and my self-deprecation and just trust Him.

I have learned so much so far in my life, but never anything as important or pressing as the need to trust God. Every day God reveals just a little bit more of His plan to me and every day it pulls me a little bit more into territory that I am unfamiliar with.

I can tell you that over a year ago I had absolutely NO intention of ever going abroad. I wanted to live, serve, and die in my comfortable life with my amazing family in the church I grew up in, here in California. And then I went to the Philippines all for the sake of just taking some time off of school and...and God gave me something that I still can't fully articulate.

He gave me an understanding of what it truly means to pick up my cross and follow, no questions ask. To see what is really necessary in life and what things are an absolute privilege. What should be appreciated and not taken for granted. 

And so now, I'm just chugging forward, taking those realizations and trying to apply it to my life. To glorify God in everything that I do and thank Him for giving me the opportunity to do everything I have done. That's all I really can do.

Which is it. That is all there is to know about me. In a nutshell. Haha =)

Until next time.

-Aarika