462

It has been 1 year, 3 months, and 6 days since I've been on Philippine soil. 

That means, it's been 462 days of me completely badgering my parents about coming back here, of me dreaming of missions work, teaching, and just living my life, of me praying that God would reveal the purpose of this desire, of me crying over how painful it was to not know why I felt so strongly for a country I had only spent a fraction of my life in.

462 days of me feeling so stretched thin that I felt I might rip in half...

So how does it feel now that I'm here?

Honestly? Kind of the same. I won't deny that I am over the moon to be back and to be able to share experiences with people that I haven't seen in over a year. I am excited to take on the day and visit friends and family. I'm excited to go back to Samar and see how everything has changed. But that doesn't alter the fact that I've been changed, that I am a different person than who I was when I left and so this whole experience is with different eyes.

I wish my sister and brother were here. I wish I could share this with my mom and dad. But there is blessing in them not being here. Actually, I see the blessing in even my family, who lives here in Manila, not being here to kind of navigate my journey. This way I am truly independent which will help me see this place as what it would be if ever there comes a day when I come back for more than just a month.

More than that, it allows for me to take this experience with the perspective it deserves: mine.

I am excited to take on this adventure. To find resolve for the things that I felt didn't have it 462 days before and to maybe become aware of some of the things that need resolve when I go back to the States. I'm excited to adapt all over again and to fall in love with the Philippines with greater passion.

I'm excited to be a Balikbayan. "Balik" means "to return" and checking off that box on my customs form gave me a thrill like no other. I'm excited to see what happens this month and how different I am going to be by the end of it.

462 days. We'll see what 25 more days will do, shall we?